What’s the best kept secret of any woman?
Hands down….it’s her vagina. We don’t talk about it with each other, let alone with our men. Whatever happens down there is ours, and it’s not to be shared with anyone. Is that the way it should be? If we expect our men to know how to please us, know where our sensitive parts are, where our G-Spot is, and how to touch our clit in just the right way, we should talk about it, right? But we don’t. We keep it all secret. We don’t talk about how it’s supposed to smell, or how it can moisten itself at the strangest moments. We don’t tell our men when we’re having problems with it. We simply shut it down, and give signs that our men aren’t welcome there, at least for the time being.
There’s a shaming that goes along with everything associated with our nether regions.
We’re conditioned to believe that our sexual needs and desires are secondary to anything and everything else inherently woman. Yet, it is our sexuality that defines us, in some part. It is everything inherently female that makes us the one’s that comfort and console. It is also that primal instinct that makes us instinctively want to pleasure our partners. However when we are socialized that our bodies themselves are something to be ashamed of from the moment we become a woman, it’s hard to feel in control of our own sexuality. How can we view our bodies as shameful for years, possibly decades, and then once we’re in a relationship that becomes sexual suddenly be open and ready to experiment, be confident and completely self-assured with our bodies and our sexual prowess? The answer is we probably can’t. Most women never get beyond the small box that our society places over their sexuality.
So we have to be super heroes.
We have to fight against the normal definition of who we are as people and as sexual beings. We have to get to the point where we love ourselves. Not just our emotional side, but our physical one. We have to realize that our bodies are sacred and miraculous. They do things that no man could ever do, and in that lies our power. In that lies our ability to reach beyond the confines that society has placed on us. Black women for decades have called ourselves queens. We call ourselves that because we know that the truth that white society has stolen from us is that we are, we were. All women need to come to that realization. And once we do, we can start to teach that to our daughters. We can start to teach them that their physical side is just as important as their emotional side. That their bodies, and all that they can do, should be looked at as what they truly are, miracles. Once they know that, they can enter the world with a new kind of self esteem. One that does not depend on how the rest of the world sees them, but how they see themselves. If they see themselves as miracles, how can they ever be ashamed of their bodies, their sexual desires, and their power as women?
It took me a long time to get to this point on my own.
It took going on a journey of self discovery that some people have judged and deemed unacceptable. It took going through being judged by even those who proclaim to love and care for me. It took testing everything I thought about what society said I was supposed to do when it came to my sexuality and my sexual relationships. I had to test the walls of that box until I found what felt right for me. So I may not fit society’s view of a super model. I may not be a size two with a flat stomach and perfect skin. But I’ll tell you what I do have. I have a sensuality that excretes from every pore. I am confident about my sexuality. I love my body, and I have realized that confidence means that other people will too, no matter my size. I know that the things I offer cannot be offered by anyone else on the planet. Because of all of that, I also know what I am looking for in a mate. And I will not settle for anything less than what I know I deserve.